Indecision
by Emmi-chan
Summary: Filia contemplates her feelings for a certain someone. Spoilers for TRY.


Author's notes: This is a Xellos/Filia fic. It's one of my favorite works, and I commend myself for typing it up in one day; it isn't easy to type mush when your mom and brother are constantly looking over your shoulder. Spoilers for the very end of TRY. And I don't own these characters, so please don't sue me.

Filia awoke to the melodic sound of birds chirping. She opened the shades of her bedroom window to reveal a clear, blue morning sky, dotted with clouds. Still in her nightgown, she walked over to her baby adopted son's room to see if he was awake. An unexpected guest barred her way.

"Namagomi!!" Filia shouted, enraged at having the trickster in her house.

"Is that any way to greet a guest?" Xellos mockingly admonished. His only response was a mace smashed over his head. "Ah. I didn't realize you slept with that thing under your nightgown," he said, massaging his skull. This resulted in another enraged cry and the mace swinging to his head. Xellos teleported away before Filia hit him again and appeared behind her, holding her arms to her sides so she wouldn't whack him again.

Filia was furious. 

"How dare you touch me, you filth!" She tried to get away, but the mazoku was too strong. Then she heard Valgaav start to cry. "Xellos, let me go, Val's crying," she said, switching her tone from angry to "mother-needs-to-comfort-the-baby".

"Very well," Xellos replied, releasing his hold on her. "I'll be around if you need me." And with that, he teleported away.

"Hmph!" Filia scoffed. "He's never around when you need him, only when you don't. Creep." She then walked into Val's room, who was sitting in his crib, wailing. Filia picked him up. "Shh, don't cry, Valgaav, mama's here," she cooed. Valgaav immediately stopped crying and smiled a toothless smile. Filia smiled back and took him into the kitchen, sitting him in a high chair.

Later that afternoon, after Val had been fed and put down for a nap, Filia was enjoying some time to herself under a willow tree in the warm weather. The golden dragon relaxed and let thoughts drift lazily through her head. *I'm glad Jillas and Gravos are covering the shop for me today....hope Jillas doesn't set off more fireworks in the pottery-making room again....last time it took three hours to get the clay off the walls, not to mention the fox himself....and why did Xellos come to my house? To taunt me some more? He's up to no good, I'm sure....killed off thousands of golden dragons....murderer....that namagomi! That filth!.....I could feel his heart beating when he held me like that....heart? Mazoku don't have hearts, ruthless scumbags.....he was warm...hey! Cut it out! Ok, you know what, it's alright to think that the namagomi of all namagomi is good-looking.....WHAT??

Filia did NOT like some of the thoughts that were popping up in her head. They were beginning to disturb her. She furrowed her brow as an increasingly growing frown appeared on her face. As fate would have it, the object of her somewhat unwelcome thoughts materialized right in her face, making her jump in surprise. "Ack! Xellos! What was that for?"

"Why so cross?" Xellos asked innocently, smiling as always.

*God, that smart-ass smile makes me want to melt....no!*

"Leave me alone."

"What for? Misery loves company, you know."

"Well, I'm not Misery, I'm Filia, and I don't want your company. Go away."

Xellos took a lock of her hair and twirled it around his finger. Filia's cheeks turned pink as she watched him smile at her. Then she came to her senses and smacked his hand away.

"Stop bothering me, Xellos, and let me enjoy some time to myself," Filia insisted, and leaned back against the tree. She closed her eyes and tried very hard not to think about how fast her heart was beating when Xellos was playing with her hair. *Am I attracted to him or something?* she thought, confused and disgusted with her emotions. *No,* she told herself firmly. *Just because he has a nice smile and he's strong and can be charming when he wants to and my heart flutters every time I see him doesn't mean I like him, no, not at all. Ridiculous! 

Filia opened her eyes. She yelped and nearly fell out of the very tall tree she had somehow gotten in. "What did you do, Xellos?!"

The trickster laughed. "What's the problem? Not pleased?" he said mockingly. "I only thought that you might like a nice view of the landscape."

Fuming, Filia struggled to stay upright on her precarious perch at the top of the tree. Just then, the feeble branch broke, sending her crashing down to the ground.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!" 

Strong arms wrapped around her just before she landed. Xellos lowered her onto the ground. "I was going to cast a levitation spell, you know," Filia said, trying to sound angry. In truth, it never crossed her mind to cast Levitation, and if it hadn't been for Xellos, she would have been seriously injured.

Xellos shook his head. "My, my, Filia, you're just so stubborn and independent; too much for your own good. You know full well you appreciated me saving you. and you know full well that you don't hate me as much as you'd like me to think." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Maybe you shouldn't keep everything buried inside." He then got up and walked away.

Still sitting on the ground, Filia watched him leave in silence and shock. She didn't think that HE, the most annoying piece of garbage she had ever met, would say something like that to her. 

*And he kissed me............*

*Not a real kiss,* she reminded herself. *Just a friendly-type peck on the forehead. But why? Was he trying to piss me off? Didn't work. Here I go again!* Filia was annoyed with her recent obsession with the trickster. She stood up and teleported inside the house. Valgaav was wide awake, kicking his little feet in the air.

Filia lifted him out of the crib wordlessly, still mulling over the day's events. She brought him outside and set him down on the grass. Her place under the willow tree seemed to be where she did all of her thinking lately. *I can't let this get to me,* she thought, determined. *I have to accept and admit the fact that I-*

"Feel for me?"

Filia whipped her head in the direction of the voice, heart racing. "You....you read my thoughts?" she asked, her voice wavering.

"Of course not," Xellos assured her. "I can't read minds. You were mumbling to yourself and I overheard."

"Eavesdropping is more like it."

Xellos shrugged and smiled. Val babbled baby talk and gleefully flapped his wings. Filia was feeling uncomfortable. "Xellos...." she began, not knowing what to say.

"Filia."

"Xellos, please leave." Filia avoided eye contact with him....so to speak.

"You don't want me to leave," answered Xellos, moving closer to where she sat.

"Yes, yes I do..." Filia turned her head away.

"You're feeling confused, Filia." It was not a question.

The dragon nodded, a small part of her cursing herself for opening up to the mazoku. "That's why I want you to leave."

Xellos took her chin in his hand and turned her head to face him. He opened his violet eyes. Blushing under his gaze, she trembled slightly. *Wow, he's got such beautiful eyes...* "Xellos, I....you....you can't....."

"Why not? because I'm a mazoku, and you're a golden dragon?"

"Yes. And I always heard that....mazoku can't.....can't love."

The trickster's face took on a serious expression. "That's a myth," he said in a way that that made Filia want to have an iron gate between her and the trickster. "We're not supposed to, and it's difficult for us to love, but it IS possible."

Filia lowered her eyes from the icy expression. "I see," she said quietly. "I'm sorry." 

Xellos suddenly laughed. Filia looked into his opened eyes, surprised. "Never thought I'd see the day when you would swallow your pride and apologize to me," the trickster said. Still holding her chin, he brought her face to his in a sweet kiss. Filia closed her eyes dreamily and let him take over.

After an undeterminable amount of time, they broke apart. Filia beamed at him with happy tears in her eyes. "Beastmaster's going to kill you, isn't she?" she chuckled, wiping her eyes.

"Most likely," Xellos answered. "Oh, well."

Filia laughed again and hugged her lover. Xellos hugged her back and asked, "Do you still hate me?"

The dragon slapped him gently. "I wouldn't kiss you if I hated you."

"That's good to know."

Val starred at his mother and the strange person with purple hair. He babbled and gurgled. The two lovers looked at him and laughed; Xellos, for the naivety of children, Filia for the innocence of her foster son, and both for the light of a day gone right.


End file.
